And I doubt I'll receive answers any time soon.
I wish I knew things that I don't. I wish I knew what I would be doing after I graduate. I wish I knew how we would be able to afford a family with Cory still in school for the next 6 years. I wish I could see just a little bit of how the future will be.
I've never wanted anything more than to be a mother. I do have ambitions and things that I want to be or become but nothing that compares with having my own children. And yet, the more I think about what's in store for us, the more I wonder if that aspect of my life will be possible as soon as I was hoping it would. The more I think about it the more likely it seems that we just won't be able to afford it or handle the stress until we leave Provo and honestly, it kinda hurts. I go over these things and all the different scenarios over and over in my head but I can never draw any real conclusions. I've been trying to learn to trust the Lord but I've always been a forward thinker and being so unsure about so many things is hard. It's hard for me to humble myself to that extent. It's hard being so patient.